Lost – What?

Spoiler and Guessendings

this is really no good to you unless you have some idea what’s going on

S6EP3 &4 previously to come on Lost…

The Monster takes 15-Sawyer to the beach cave and shows him all the names (the list).

The Monster says he wants off the island just like Sawyer – but the monster is lying to Sawyer. The Monster is going to trick Sawyer into taking his place. There will be a long soliloquy on how Jacob was right about progress and how a nemeses is necessary because it challenges us, keeps us interested, that having one is built into our nature so we seek it, it makes us rise to bigger things and blah blah blah more psycho babble, then he’ll leave the island and Sawyer turns into a Nascar Monster Truck leaving trails of hillbilly smoke and bbq sauce screaming in his wake thus becoming the new bitter and cynical nemeses and island terror to the reincarnating Jacob.

We all have our nemeses, petty tyrants – they’re everywhere, life’s little character gauges, pushing your buttons to test and get your attention or distract. They are on every corner, in the grocery store, cutting you off when you drive, leaving pointless or mean comments on your YouTube videos or blog. Their purposes is to instill stress and kill blood cells or they allow you to rise to the occasion or challenge, thus making you a smarter and better person.

Meanwhile, the old Monster will head back to the States and pick up where he left off long ago which would be the equivalent today to a Wall Street Banker or DC lobbyist.

Kate will be fine – they’ve set her up as a hero, deep down noble and all around modern girl next door, albeit a bit ditsy with a touch of temptress, PLUS, she’s too pretty to have a sad or bad demise. However, her ending will be, like all modern women a little more complicated. She has that pesky murder wrap rap wrap hanging around her neck; can’t mess with the rule of law in the US if you are poor and from Iowa. So far the writers have given her two endings – a court trial and on the run again.

side note: The conversation between Miles and Hurley on time travel had to be a conversation the writers had on resolving the end, but remember when it comes to writing fiction there’s always a fail safe, just make shit up.

It’s going to be hard not to disappoint the fans using current logic and at the same time struggle with being on the Disney channel and yet, true to your craft. Course, the latter has already been compromised, and Disney has it’s branding to protect… so when push comes to shove you can pretty much figure out how this is all going to play out – There’s also the fear of pulling a Sopranos – so the ending, my guess, will be pretty canned.

Anyways, back to Kate, and what about Kate? Her number wasn’t shown in the cave and she was told somewhere in the past that she wasn’t on the list. She knows Sawyer was in ‘true-love’ with Juliet; a fitting name btw for someone who sacrificed and died nobly for love and the many. We all know Kate won’t play second fiddle to another women, especially a memory (say, why didn’t Sawyer and Jack just take dead Juliet to the temple?). Anyway, deep down every wom… okay,wait, most women want to be the one and only. Besides being sick of Jack for a whole host of reasons, Kate needs to start fresh and new, cause that’s how she rolls, so the only logical choice left, and to make a real smashing ending that people will talk about forever would be Kate falling in for Hurley.

Nah, just kidding. She’ll stay a rebel and become an advocate for woman’s right, maybe even find women more attractive and reliable. The writers left that door wide open and gay is so in right now and big at Disneyland.

Hey, it could happen.

What about Clare? the new Danielle Perfect for my spin-off series where Aaron grows up looking for his mum. (see below) Aaron was born on the island giving him the gift of a very magnetic personality. Perhaps he’ll sire a child with Sun’s baby and they will call him Moses.

Ever get the feeling watching Lost that you’ve decided to attended International Day in College and on your plate is Swedish meatballs, red curry chicken, and falafel? Makes digestion an interesting evening accompanied by some pretty strange dreams at night.

23-Jack and his magic appendix go home and he ends up like his old man. Tragic generational thing, a warning to kids, don’t drink and copulate globally, go to Disneyland instead! Pointless merchandise and stealing archetypal characters turning them into an annoyance is better for your mind.
(I’m guessing that writing job at Disney is pretty much kaput)

16-Sayid gets transported further back into the past to the Italian countryside where he falls in love with a French Canadian girl who lives in a abandoned church, plays Bach on the piano and takes care of some unknown sick English chap. Everyone falls asleep, during this part. There Sayid converts to Hinduism (don’t ask why he does this just 30 miles from the Vatican, he just does) changes his name to Kip and meets Willem Dafoe; how cool is that?!

Sayid, now Kip, then dies again tragically when he is blown to bits by a landmine. On that very day the French Canadian girl finds out she is pregos with his child, in her grief she decides to honor his memory by taking what is left of him and his ashes home to Iraq. BTW, do Americans really think Naveen Andrew looks Iraqi? (shrug)

More tragically, and close to her delivery date, August 6, 1945, the WWII C-54 transport plane she is traveling on engines conk out due to a strange anomaly, a bust of magnetic energy, this sends her and the crew to the future as the plane crashes on a mysterious island full of zombies.

There, she sees the crew taken down one by one by the zombies. When a large group of zombies attack their camp in the middle of the night, she tries to reason with one of the female zombies, who’s name she doesn’t know, but is called Danielle (yes that Danielle), Zombie Danielle is a bit dumbfounded, she has a strange sense about this women and she’s a zombie. As the French Canadian girl reaches out to befriend her Zombie Danielle bites her hand.

The French Canadian Girl panics and trying to protect herself she throws what is close, the box full of Sayid’s/Kip’s remains. She hits the zombie in the head, the box breaks, the ashes fall to the earth and Sayid/Kip rises later from the island making a guest appearance on the new spin-off series (see below), only this time instead of cutting limbs and fingers off as a torturer he helps to repair the zombies who lose parts in their hunt for brains.

karma dharma d00ds.

Unfortunately, the French Canadian Girl who is bleeding from the zombie bite, who is now in a high state of anxiety running as fast as she can into the dark jungle falls into intense and immediate labor. She gives birth to a girl and calls her Danielle. She then passes out in exhaustion and the newborn creeps over and eats her mother’s brains.

A short while later Clare is wondering through the jungle and hears the munching sounds, she walks over, retrieves little zombie baby Danielle all the while mumbling “my baby, my baby, they want my baby.”

8-Hurley is too cool and nice to have anything bad happen to him in the end. d00d, it’s Disney and you don’t knock off the picked-on-obese-Hispanic-guy. Hello! Orlando… Anaheim… bad for business and not PC d00d.

It’s 42-Jin btw, not his wife Sun – that was easy and obvious, but will they knock off the Asian guy? That depends how well the new Disneyland in China is coming along. I know he’s Korean! Korean! Korean! Need I say more?

It would be nice to bring Charlie back, but as what, a hobbit zombie?
Actually, that might be pretty awesome!

4-John Locke – Dead is dead and good riddance!

Ben – Is the, “OMG will you shut up!” and that’s what I like about him most, along with his wry sense of humor. Ben should probably die, at least from a clockwork orange justice POV, but I’d hate to see him go, only because Michael Emerson is the best actor on the show. The writers may have played with his character a bit too much, however, making him dastardly indifferent one minute, a liar and a weasel the next, then presenting him as someone deserving sympathy through no fault of his own, or perhaps I can’t quite separate my admiration of the character from the actor… I’ll ponder this further.

His wrap-up has been bothersome, I didn’t buy the taking of Alex and didn’t think Michael should have played that part. Most of what took place there seemed forced and a filler. If they didn’t want to hire younger actors thy should have found a more creative way to twist the ties.

Richard has a painting hidden in the temple attic. In the end he will turn into Dorian Gray or Dick Clark.

Just who the hell is Jacob anyway? Sorry to say he’s going to end up being some Mythological Ancient Egyptian (all roads lead to Set) space alien.

In ancient Egypt Set has a lot of power, being the brother of Osiris and thought to have killed him; cutting his body into 14 pieces while his wife Isis later has sex with one of the parts to create a son… (See, who needs TV when you have books!) Set is also the God of chaos and the desert, not to mention he often takes the shape of a crocodile, nice big hint given in Season 5.

The conflict between Jacob and the monster could also be the old Horus, son of Osiris conceived with an unknown body part and the God of the vegetation who constantly struggles with his uncle Set. If you’re not up on your ancient Egyptian myths now’s a good time to explore.

But why the name Jacob? Maybe it’s one of the writers kid’s names? Anyway, in the Hebrew tradition Jacob is the son of Issac who is the son of Abraham, who was known as Abram and sired two sons creating two nations still fighting today. In the story Jacob was later named Israel by Issac, who, due to a famine in Canaan settled in Egypt. Jacob/Israel also had an older twin named Esau who was like a harry beast, another interesting conflict if you’re up on your Torah/OT. How does this connect to ancient Egypt? Perhaps in imagination only, however, when digging through myths one thing is certain you’ll find plenty of similarities and duplications – Greco-Roman myths are the best examples – toss in a little reincarnation and anything’s possible.

We know Jacob can reincarnate, and he does it through fire. Again if you are up on your mythology trial by fire always makes you stronger.

The only thing missing in Lost right now are aliens and why do we watch…

Circle of ash, protection from the monster coming up…

More guessendings to come…

ITMT, I’d like to debate this guy on the possible ending of everyone. A dueling LOST endings off.

In the final episode my darkest hope is they all die on the island – the monster takes those left alive out as the buried dead rise to start a spin off series called Lost On Zombie Island. This would be a dramatic comedy where the zombies meet up with the cast from Gilligan’s Island and terrorizes the castaways of the S. S. Minnow. I think this would bridge the gap between old and young viewers along with a few guest appearances from some Twilight Polanskiesque Aussie Vampires migrating on their way to India (Bollywood Vampires On Ice!) and former dead cast members from the old series Fantasy Island. Oh, the hi-jinks that would ensue.

Obviously, this spin off would have to run on HBO or FX.

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S6EP5 – Oh C’mon!

S6EP6 – Sayid!

S6EP7 – Ut Oh

S6EP8 – I’m The Smoke Thingie

S6EP9 – Oh, this should be interesting – they’re all dead – wine? this was good

S6EP10 – Tell me what happen in English

S6EP11 – You Are Everybody – Brother… christ

Lost –  The Perfect Ending

thanks to television aficionado extraordinaire ohcurt!

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I know this topic is off my usual beaten blog, but if you are enjoying this particular process, as I type and update and want me to continue leave a comment otherwise I’ll private this for my own enjoyment and pleasure.

ps if you have any real velveeta pics of the lost characters send me the links – thanks

Secret Message

Epilogue:
Some may wonder, since I don’t own a TV and never watched the series until a few months ago why I’m writing about this program now – Jacob told me to.

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