Soprano’s James Gandolfini Shot By Closure-Seeking Fan

NEW YORK—Actor James Gandolfini, best known for his portrayal of mob kingpin Tony Soprano on the hit HBO show The Sopranos, was shot to death Tuesday in a Greenwich Village restaurant by a fan unable to accept the open-ended conclusion of the series finale that aired earlier this month.

According to police reports, 28-year-old marketing research assistant Louis Bowen walked into the small Italian restaurant Occhiuto’s at approximately 7:40 p.m. and headed directly toward Gandolfini’s table. Bowen then drew a snub-nosed .38 revolver from his jacket and shot Gandolfini point-blank in the head three times before dropping the gun and calmly exiting the eatery.

Bowen was apprehended two blocks away by two NYPD officers and reportedly put up no resistance.

“I couldn’t let it just hang,” Bowen told police in a post-arrest confession released to the media. “Eight years of my life, and a fucking artsy cut to black? It was eating me up inside.”

In his statement, Bowen also used the word “betrayal” to describe the series’s resolution, which he was convinced set up a climactic death for the sociopathic mafia don. The realization that Soprano’s brutal life of constant fear and anxiety would have no real end slowly drove the obsessed Bowen over the edge.

“I had to tie up the loose ends, I just had to,” Bowen said. “I’m positive this is exactly how [creator and executive producer] David Chase wanted fans to interpret the ending.”
THE ONION Parody People

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